Now, I can’t verify this story but my source is pretty reliable.
Some years ago, my friend was taking his kids on a downtown adventure. One of the stops was the cruise ship terminal. As they line up to peer at the floating behemoth, my friend notices a guy in the crowd. The face is somehow familiar.
After a few moments, it occurs to him that he’s looking at the incredibly famous American playwright, Neil Simon. It also occurs to him that he’s the only one who seems to recognize him.
… my friend notices a guy in the crowd.
To jog your memory, I’ll mention just a few of Simon’s blockbusters: The Odd Couple, The Goodbye Girl, Plaza Suite, Biloxi Blues, Last of the Red Hot Lovers and the list goes on and on. Simon won just about every award possible including a Pulitzer and the Mark Twain Award for American Humour.
Photo from Wikipedia
And here he was – completely undetected – on the dock in Vancouver.
My friend ventures a remark.
It turns out that it is, indeed, Neil Simon. He’s heading off on a cruise to Alaska.
My friend asks him if he’s a big fan of cruising. Simon chuckles and says that he doesn’t go for the scenery, but that he does much of his writing on cruise ships as they’re the perfect environment for writing. He can get everything he wants and he can be as isolated as he chooses. As artists’ garrets go, it’s a good one.
There’s a lot to be said for cruises.
There’s a lot to be said for cruises.
In my estimation, the next best thing for checking yourself into a hospital for exhaustion is getting on a cruise. Especially if you live in a port city like Vancouver. The departure couldn’t be easier and the scenery changes every day without you having to lug your suitcase anywhere.
Now, you might say you’re not a cruise sort of person but that would only show that you have little comprehension of the options available to you. My entire family went on a cruise to Alaska a few years back. My nephew sequestered himself on the observation deck and studied for his MCAT; my niece had room service every morning and rarely left her room, the rest of the tribe had cut-throat ping-pong tournaments and, each night, everyone dressed up for dinner. Now, how often does that happen?
On board, people say, “Good morning!” …
One thing that’s unrivalled is the service on board. Where else today can you find white linen table cloths, round tables that seat ten or old-world service where – how do they do this?! – everyone remembers your name? On board, people say, ‘Good morning!”, and the staff can’t seem to do enough for you. Not only is your room swiftly made up each day, but there’ll be an orangutan or a dolphin fashioned out of towels waiting at the foot of your bed each night. Truly, it’s a marvel.
Neil Simon died in 2018 but, given the range of experience offered on board, don’t be surprised if you see another Kennedy Centre honoree, lost in thought, walking the promenade alongside you.
This week’s question for readers:
ALL ABOARD OR ALL ASHORE? ARE CRUISES FOR YOU?
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Submissions to last week’s question:
ANY “PACK HACKS” TO SHARE? ANY “LEFT SHOE” STORIES?
On a bike and barge trip, less than an hour before we were to start, my husband discovered he had forgotten to pack his bike shorts. We raced to the closest bike shop in Amsterdam for shorts. Made it back with 10 minutes to spare. In 2022 we traveled for a wedding. Thinking I was clever, I sent all the wedding clothes in advance by courier. I was so clever that I somehow forgot to pack the pants to my husband’s suit. After a frantic shopping trip, we found a pair that would work with his suit jacket. I now use a checklist.
Lindsey McCann
During my 50 year retail fashion career, I had the pleasure of attending trade shows and showroom appointments throughout the year in Paris, Florence, London, New York and more.
To pack efficiently, I would make a list of EVERYTHING I wanted to take and then cross reference a handful of outfits. Yes, multiple uses for the same jacket with few shirts and pants. Repeat process with another handful of items. Three pairs of shoes – tops! Most important – wear your bulkiest items on your flight! With proper editing, a good number of items wouldn’t make the trip – but I did – with at least four outfits packed into one bag, typically carry-on. And of course I rolled every item that was rollable! It was a space saver and it still allowed me to have room to purchase a present or two for myself or significant other.
David Goldman
On a cycling/cruise trip we brought carry-on as we also had bike cases. Cycling and running shoes take up space, so I also packed Birkenstocks. The sandals were destroyed as our snorkeling guide suggested we wear them in the water to avoid stepping on poisonous stonefish. I had to wear the white cotton slippers to dinner in the ship’s fancy restaurant. Next time I will bring flip flops or a nicer pair of flats.
Gayle Stoodley
Years ago I created a Travel Checklist that includes everything I need to do before going away, sorted under six categories: Travel Planning (reservations, visas, immunizations, travel insurance, etc.); Household Stuff (pay & post-date bills, ensure house/car insurance is paid, cancel papers, update list of credit cards/ID, notify neighbors, etc.); House Cleaning (I hate coming home to a dirty house); Exterior Maintenance (including annual fall garden cleanup); Electronics (prep & charge all devices, i.e., phone, tablet, GPS, etc.); and Last-Minute Preparations (e.g., haircut, laundry, medications, pack/UNPACK, flight check-in, turn off water, put out garbage, security check, etc.). It comes out three weeks pre-departure and is complete as I walk out the door. Call me OCD, but it makes my life much less stressful and departures far less hectic. A celebratory bevvy at the airport after clearing Security, and my vacation has officially begun!
Paul Anderson
I try to use the capsule wardrobe model for travel. I go with three bottoms, five tops, three covers and too many shoes. I always take my bathing suit as I’m not going to find one that fits anywhere I’m going. We only take carry-on, the Tom Bhin Tri-Star. Cotacachi, Ecuador in May/June for a month, where the temperature is the same all year round so you can go there any month of the year. A second trip was to Cambodia for the month of November. Asian airline EVA has a 15 pound weight limit for carry-on. Our Tom Bhins are always around 20 pounds but I think because they don’t look very big and a flight bag is our only other item, we’ve never been challenged.
Shelley Grainger
Just after my husband and I met (over 40 years ago) we ventured to Harrison Hot Springs for a weekend away. We were excited to go for a fancy dinner in the Copper Room, hopefully with some dancing. I had packed in a rush and after dressing for dinner we were about to leave when I discovered that I had in my haste packed one flat and one high heel! Well…it was an interesting walk to the Copper Room and we did manage to dance but I had to do so in bare feet.
Jeanette Langmann
Just a suggestion, trying leaving with just the clothes on your back and a change of underwear. And, of course, a small backpack with essentials.Buy what clothes you like when you arrive at your destination. Wash them in the sink as necessary and leave them behind for goodwill when you leave.
Gordie Wiens
I am a minimalist, always travel with only a carry-on suitcase that meets airlines regulations for in-flight storage bins, as well as a large handbag that fits under my seat. If I’m short on clothing or I need extra for unexpected weather changes, then I do some “destination shopping”, the perfect excuse to update my wardrobe. If I need more packing space for the flight home, I buy an extra suitcase.
G. Bertrand
Less is always more! I just got back from a two week holiday in Chicago, Toronto and Lake Huron. Last year I spent a similar period in Europe. The modified 5-4-3-2-1 method worked out well for me.
5 tops
4 bottoms (a combination of shorts, capris, skirts, or pants)
3 pairs of shoes
2 swimsuits
1 light waterproof jacket
1 sweater
Of course, a nice dress or two, one long and one short for formal events. My daughter likes the roll method to pack as it saves space. Underwear number of days divided by two
A small bar of laundry soap to use, if necessary. Don’t forget sunscreen, sunglasses and a hat!
Margaret Dutilloy
I choose a dominant colour and two coordinating colours. Then everything I like wearing in those colours goes on a folding rack in the bedroom. Gradually I’ll winnow it down to what goes with me, my rule being it must be worn three times, one way or another. There’s also the Sudoku packing method (google it), which is a more formal version of what I do.
Madeleine Lefebvre
After 115 countries, I have honed my packing list. In my carry-on, I always bring a bikini, my black all-purpose dress, and my dance shoes. With those and a pair of shorts, it doesn’t really matter if they lose my checked bag, I am ready for anything! I bring a keychain with a mini flashlight & compass, a solar phone charger, a dual-voltage collapsible kettle and bowl, and my own gluten-free snacks. Interestingly, many fellow travellers have looked longingly at my ubiquitous refillable plastic jar of peanut butter!
Danielle Bretton
Recommendations for a female for non-winter travel – of course subject to weather, destination and expected activities.
Select your basic colour theme then an accent colour. Pack in multiples of threes:
3 pairs of shoes – fashion sneaker, walking sandal and dressier comfortable sandal
3 bras – sports, black and neutral
3 pairs of pants – dark stretchy trouser, khaki, jeans
3 jackets- stretchy sports jacket, jean jacket, pullover or cardigan.
3 skirts – short skirt, long skirt, shorts, if appropriate
3 dresses – long black dress, go out dress, sun dress
6-9 shirts – in your basic colour and accent colours. Each bottom should be able to be worn with at least three tops.
9 pairs underwear
Extras: small pair of flip flops, one bathing suit and sarong, one set of easily washable sleepwear, leggings, light packable travel jacket that can be layered. These will fit in a carry-on suitcase.
I’ve travelled to more than 40 countries including Northern Europe, India, Turkey, Greece, Egypt and Jordan packing in multiples of three.
Lori McInnes
I’m not a traveller, but I feel sure that your readers would get a chuckle from a youtube poem called the ‘The Packing Poem’ by Pam Ayres. She has a wonderful sense of humour and there are many – many poems of hers on You Tube.
Michael Buckingham
An excerpt from Pam Ayres’ Packing Poem:
I’m packing for my holiday, I want to take enough
Of cotton underclothing, swimming wear, sarongs and stuff.
I take my own shampoo, conditioner and my own hair-dryer,
I don’t trust those hotel ones not to set your hair on fire.
I take insect repellent, both the lotion and the spray,
They make you smell of creosote but keep the bugs away.
You only get one skin and I shall take good care of mine,
By packing all this sun protector, factor ninety-nine.
Absolutely, only carry-on, even for 23 days in Japan. Must haves: two pairs walking shoes, one pair flats, packed individually in old airline socks. Mix and match outfits. Stuff-able puffer coat and a raincoat. Basic toiletries, definitely in small containers. I love packing cubes since receiving the lightest, squishiest ones – great to organize and easily repack. Liquids in a clear pouch ready to whip out at security. Off I go, wearing the heaviest, with my roll-aboard, a purse/backpack, and small crossbody bag for the must-have-handy: phone, passport, tickets. Of course the smartest packing does not preclude the stupidest accidental injury such as recently caused me to cancel a great trip.
Lynn Kagan
After last-minute toiletries have been used in the bathroom, place them on a tray. One trip to the suitcase brings all.
Compile and print a list of last-minute items and jobs, such as: “empty garbage and compost;” “turn down fridge thermostat” [so things won’t freeze while away]; and “flush toilet(s)!” [Gag! Unflushed, you’ll only forget once!] Check each item “in,” “done” or “n/a”. Every family will have a different list, but anyone can see a job, do it, and check it off so Mom doesn’t have to nag.
Lorna (Krahulec) Blake