“Someone set the table.”
That was the common cry that preceded dinnertime around the world.
We sat down to eat.
Together.
Even a hasty, mid-week meal of soup and sandwiches involved a placemat and a napkin. It was usually kids that set the table. Early in our table-setting careers, we were keen for the task. Later, we’d whine that ,“We’d done it laaaast night”. But we could all do it. And set the table for company, even. Kids – all kids – knew which side of the plate to place the knife. Kids knew the convention was that the blade should be turned toward the plate. Soup spoons? They went to the right of the knife. Kids everywhere knew in which order to place the forks. That stemware – glasses of any kind – went on the right side of the plate in a certain configuration.
“Someone set the table.”
Yep, there were plenty of rules and protocols. In the household I grew up in, we had to ask to be excused from the table. You sat bolt upright at the table. You made polite conversation. I’d stake my life on the fact that our dining room table never felt the weight of a single elbow. Well, no elbow that hadn’t yet achieved adulthood. And you waited for mom to be settled and served before you picked up a utensil. Those were the broad strokes. The adults, on the other hand, were at liberty to do whatever they pleased, especially after the brandy snifters came out.
We are a less formal world today. Hardly anyone uses the “good” china anymore. Fabric napkins have given way to paper, frequently, just a sheet off the paper towel roll. Dining out, cutlery often comes rolled in a napkin. I’d wager that, at home, the lion’s share of meals are taken at a kitchen countertop so we rarely even face anyone at mealtimes.
The notion of setting the table harkens back to the Middle Ages when homeowners wouldn’t have had a space designated just for dining. A board would be set on two trestles to make a flat surface for eating off of, hence the term “setting the table”. Back then, people travelled with their own cutlery so preparation was as simple as pulling your utensils out of your pocket. Your cutlery arsenal would have consisted of simply a knife and a spoon. Forks weren’t introduced in England until the 1600s. When plates first appeared they were generally shared by two people.
If nothing else, cleaning up after dinner would have been a lot easier.
Forks weren’t introduced in England until the 1600s.
The line from a spoon in your pocket to Martha Stewart is a direct one. Table settings and all the accoutrements of such quickly became fashionable. Soon things like sterling fish services, sugar casters, and dessert plates became objects of desire. The sideboard or buffet loomed into view in the 18th century as people began to need a place to store these serving dishes and flatware. In fact, one sideboard became rather famous. The Chevy Chase sideboard is an astonishing exemplar of artisanship and considered the single finest example of Victorian furniture. It depicts, in exquisite detail, the battle of Chevy Chase, a clash between the forces of Northumberland’s Earl Percy and Scotland’s Earl Douglas and, to my surprise, not the cast of Saturday Night Live.
Above, the 12 foot wide Chevy Chase sideboard in all its ornate glory. Check out the fascinating story of the restoration of this piece of furniture following Hurricane Katrina: https://www.theconservationcenter.com/articles/664863-conservation-and-restoration-of-the-chevy.
So, there you have it. From hoisting a board onto sawhorses, to the introduction of the fork, to ornate furniture to house your epergnes – a dining centrepiece that held things like pickles and nuts, maybe fruit – to wolfing down chilli while watching Netflix, dinner is, somehow, served … but is something valuable lost in the process?
This week’s question for readers:
YOU STILL SET A TABLE? WHEN AND HOW?
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Submissions to last week’s question:
IS CHILD-RAISING HARDER TODAY? IF SO, HOW?
QUESTION: DO YOU STILL SET A TABLE? WHEN AND HOW?
Tough question? Parenting has never been easy but at least now there is some control over if, and when, to embark on it. I watched helplessly in the 60’s as my sister was dealt five preschoolers (no twins) and I myself ended up with three under the age of four. And we got through it with no parental leave, no disposable diapers and $6.00 family allowance per month. And the previous generation had it REALLY tough; no medical insurance, few work-saving devices, plus a Depression and a world war. So cry me a river!
June Macdonald
I think it’s the loneliness and societal pressures (comparing our kids and the plethora of advice) that make child-rearing harder today than previous generations. I am a stay-at-home mom of three young kids and even with the friendliness of mom friends and access to many parenting articles and Instagram accounts at my fingertips, there is no “village” to help raise my kids. My mother says back in my grandma’s time, the women would chat in their backyards, there was no need for “play dates” or elaborately planned birthday parties – everyone you needed was right next door, across the street or a short bike ride away.
A. Chiang
It can be tough. Making choices, with social pressures screaming continually via every medium, often in conflict with our values, can leave us feeling doubtful, conflicted, or confident depending on the health of our family, friend, and community relationships.
Surreal expectations of A+ marks, star athletic performances, beauty-minded clothing and bodies, and star musical accomplishments will destroy your soul if you let them. Do we need a genius physicist who runs marathons and plays the euphonium as often as we need a hug? Show your kids that.
When you make your kids a balanced priority you are seeking neither hard nor easy, but ‘worthwhile’.
Can we run the long version of this submission in the digital version of the paper? If so, you can add the writers name here, as follows:
ML Corrall
My own life experience (good education, four kids, six grands and counting) was, parents, born prior to WW1, raised in Vancouver by parents who had emigrated from less auspicious circumstances. There was no assurance of medical care for the birth of a sibling who was diagnosed as “not quite right” and progressed from “walking with sticks” to a wheelchair, whose care and well-being were the responsibility of my grandmother; 10 uncles went off to war; fear reigned until some returned, and following, when they didn’t; Spanish Flu followed the war; a slow death at home from esophageal cancer was my grandfather’s demise after which my mother and the able-bodied siblings worked to support the family while their mum took in boarders. The “Dirty Thirties” didn’t mean dusty televisions – it got harder; WW2 fears and realities preceded polio outbreaks that panicked and killed neighbours. The 50’s, glorified in memory, still offered wringer washers and clotheslines and a “fitted kitchen” didn’t always include refrigerators, thus daily shopping; and a party line for communication. Walking little darlings to playdates and practices – ha! Wrapping a towel around your neck and jumping off the fence pretending to be Superman was after-school sport; a radio, cards, and books were enrichment. My parents were employed and we had shelter – from basement suite to house; we were not considered poor. So now we have medical care including vaccines, good schools, and whatever level of shelter we can afford. TV inspired our view into other worlds and added internet-created whirlwinds of information.
And with trust truly eroded, here we are programmed to doubt ourselves, our family lore and wisdom, our choices, scientific evidence and professional experience, certainly every pundit and politician. It’s predictable the “poor us” era is well underway in the arena of parenthood.
ML Corrall
While cleaning, provision of meals, laundry, registration for outside activities and more, are easier, this is countered, for many, by the overwhelming expense of providing household essentials. Parenting itself has become complicated by fears we, our parents and grandparents, never knew. From drugs in schools to social media to fear of missed opportunities; from changing sexual understandings to climate change and more, parents today must manage and counter more fears than ever. It might not be ‘harder’ but I am sure this is exhausting.
Julie Halfnights
Maybe raising kids is just as hard as it ever was but what makes it hard changes over time. Today, we worry about things like random violence and people preying on our kids online. I think, due to advertising, expectations have gone way up and that’s made things even more difficult. And community used to mean so much more and that was a help, too.
F. Wong